Taboo

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Eggshells
They all walk on eggshells around me
Don't speak too much on it
Too many risks
Too many reminders

It's too real to them
It's someone they know
Someone they see
Someone close
Too close

My existence is a taboo
Something they don't want to acknowledge
Something they feel like they can't see
Something too harsh

I'm too loud about it
Maybe that's it
Maybe choosing a new name that I love is too loud
Maybe cutting my hair is too loud
Maybe being who I want to be is too loud

I have to be silent about it
Keep it all contained
Keep it from their eyes
Hide what they deem taboo

Hide myself
It's easier
Safer
Better for them
Even if it hurts me

Would they love me more then?
If I stay silent?
But that hurts too
It all hurts

Everything hurts me
There's no safe option

Too loud, I'm hurt
Too quiet, I'm hurt
I show myself, I'm hurt
I hide myself, I'm hurt

It all hurts
The pain of being taboo never goes away
The fear of getting in trouble never fades
There's no escape
There's no middle ground

I have to make a choice

Be loud
Be quiet

No matter what
I'll be a taboo

No matter what
They'll see me as taboo
As something to fear
Something to walk on eggshells around
Something
Something
Something

Not someone
Something

They break me down to the topics they dislike
That's all I am
I am only taboo
Not a person
Just taboo

Just a topic
Just a statistic
Just something to be silent
Just something to hide 

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