Potential
My potential has been wasted
I started so bright
Brighter than most
I was always ahead of everyone in class
Until I wasn't
Until everything started to break down and rot
Until my brain stopped working
Until my body stopped working
Such a brilliant brain shouldn't have been stunted
Such a useful body shouldn't have been disabled
Instead, I'm trapped within a maze of cages
My mind has become a prison
My body has become a prison
Every part of me is a maze
But there's no exit to be found
There's no way to escape the disgrace I've become
The only thing starving off the urge for death is drugs
Drugs that, in fixing me, only make me sicker
It leaves my already weak heart even weaker
I had the worst migraine of my life today
All so I can read the news and not want to break my neck
I'm tired
I can't sleep
The drugs stopped helping there, too
The tiny, bitter pink pills don't work
The dark and light green capsules don't work
The disgusting blue pills make me feel sick
The purple gummies make you see things
The medications barely work
The surgeries have failed
I've failed
I've failed my mind
My mind has failed me
I've failed my body
My body has failed me
Everyone said I was gods gift
That I was a rainbow after many storms
The only one who made it
They didn't say I'd get all the illnesses and pains of those who came before me
Would they be this tired, too?
Would my brothers and/or sisters be able to handle this?
They say I'm so strong
That my anger and exhaustion are understandable
But am I really doing good?
Am I actually strong?
It feels more like I'm just used to it
Like it's taken so much of me that it's nothing
That I don't whine
I don't sob
I don't complain
That I've given up asking for help
The doctors have rarely listened
My family has listened less
They don't even believe I'm disabled
All while my heart and lungs try to kill me
While every meal makes my stomach hurt
While all my joints dislocate
While I struggle to walk and stand
But I'm not disabled
Not in their eyes
I'm perfectly fine
Even as I lay away for hours
Even as I crave death
Even as I've tried to take my life due to the pain
But no
I'm perfectly fine
A perfect waste of what could have been an amazing brain
A perfect waste of what could have been an amazing body
Perfect…
